Marriage Advice

A while back Krista and I were asked what marriage advice we would give a couple just embarking and the Tunnel-o-love ride that is marriage. Having been married for years now (two and half so I can say "years") we both jumped at the opportunity. However, we couldn't' think of anything to say. So here, now, I give my marriage advice to no one in particular:

• Everything together--We decided, early on in our marriage, that would do everything together. I think the idea originated with me being paranoid about fighting for my wife's attention against all her adoring fans and friends. However, we took and it and ran. Everything that could be done together, we did together--shopping, running errands, exercising etc. Now, a few years later, it's become second nature to us. We never really think about splitting up and doing two tasks; we accomplish almost everything together. I think today's world emphasizes a "divide and conquer" mentality when it comes to marital "teamwork". While this surely works for many couples and can no doubt check off more of the to-do list items, for us doing everything has not only supplied two heads when making daily decisions but strengthened our friendship as well. Plus, every time I try and do the shopping alone I just pace the pasta aisle for 20 minutes trying to pick a noodle. It helps to have another decision maker.
• Play games--a skill we have in spades. We probably play, on average, at least a game or two a day. We usually go in spurts--this month it has been Guillotine (not as violent as it sounds), last month it was two person Nerts, and most recently it's been Rook. Take whatever hobby you like, but I would highly advise finding something that you're both interested in to do together. I'm sure there's a select few out there as obsessed with games as we are, but anything works. Granted Krista gets really sad and pouts on the couch when she loses and I can't be touched for about 15 minutes after I lose, but on the whole having something light and fun to do together really makes us happy.
• "Can we go on a walk...?"--Truthfully, I used to dread this phrase. For me, walking was something you did to get somewhere. It seemed pointless to walk only to end up where you began. But we've had some of our best conversations (baby name ideas, where to buy a house, planning for the future, hypothetical "what-would-you-do-if-you-were-President" questions that Krista hates) all while strolling around in expensive jogging shoes. It's peaceful; it's healthy; it's relaxing; it's just plain good.
• "Chapter 1..."--While we were dating we went to the grocery store one night, saw the last Harry Potter book, bought it, and stayed up until 3:00 in the morning consecutive nights reading it together (now that's what I call courtship). Since then we've read tens of books together. We survived the Twilight series (Krista's idea), thoroughly enjoyed the Ender's Game series (my idea) and listened to some of the great (To Kill A Mockingbird) and some of the dud (Horse Whisperer) audio books. Most recently I've been reading to Krista and the baby when she's making dinner, driving, walking, or just sitting. It gives us great things to talk about and just one more thing to do together.
• "Can we get it?"--Go on a shopping spree every once in a while. This will be mostly wife driven of course, but it's still lots of fun. Our first shopping trip as a married couple was right after our wedding when we cashed in all our returns and gift cards at Target and ended up with two shopping carts and $500 worth of goods at checkout. Yesterday we bought a camcorder, Bernina (sewing machine), movies, Wal-Mart stuff, a mirror, fabric, a golf net, and Wendy's. Now, PLEASE make sure that this money is saved and budgeted properly, not for your own good but for mine! I'm sure I'll write about this later, but one of my biggest pet peeves is how loose people are with money. Not to elevate us on any kind of pedestal, but we didn't make these trips just on a whim but because we've been saving up for a long time to get some of these things (okay, we weren't saving up for Wendy's). But once you've got the money saved, spend some quality time spending it.

Okay, I talk too much so I'll be done. But there you go--marriage advice from a 2 1/2 year vet.

The internet desert

For the last month we've been without interent and while wading through the sand of the wireless-less desert, here's a few things I discovered:

• Gardening - we didn't know it, but moving into our house we inherited an entire ecosystem complete with abundant vegetation and animal life (mainly spiders). I've now seen the enemy, declared war, and for the last few weeks have been fighting the good fight and weeding the bad weeds. I've pulled three overgrown rosebushes, attempted to uproot a tree-sized bush, and filled three whole bags with dandilions. I've edged, trimmed, mowed, fertalized, sprayed, and sweated. Actually, it's all kinda fun.
• Studying - I'm taking the GRE this coming June and have began brushing up on test-taking skills and strategies. Once again I'm faced with a system designed solely to test how well you take a test. Any tips from any of you out there? Yes, I'm talking to all four of you that read my blog.
• Baby stuff - That's right, we've started the long road now. We've acquired a crib and changing table (thanks Mom), tons of baby clothes (times two--thanks Jaime and twins), an awesome stroller (thanks family), and disposable nursing pads (I'm not even sure what those do). I received the first real "baby feeling" the other day when I lifted the carseat out of our stroller, held it in my arms, and pictured a little blond bundle there. Two months and counting!
• BBQ - Lesson #1--If you burger gets pinker in the twenty minutes it's on the grill, you need more charcoal. Lesson #2--You need more than 8 peices of charcoal to get a BBQ ready enough to cook meat for 15 people. Lesson #3--When dumping half a bag of charcoal on a BBQ and soaking it with lighter fluid, wait a few minutes before sticking in the lighter. Lesson #4--Singed arm hair looks funny.

Why I don't write more often

Soooo...here's the deal. I've decided (after over a month of not writing, I know) that the reason my subconscious man won't let me write more often is the following: if I did write regularly, say weekly, this Man Blog would become a Woman Blog. You see, dear readers, the essence of the female species of the blog is that it gets updated with every life event--baby births, family trips, personal bloopers, weird tonails etc. However, the male blog thrives on spontaniety, randomness, unpredictability, and inconsistency. Thus, in staying true to what makes my blog a Man Blog, I must refrain from writing regularly.

And by the way, my wife is wrong--every time I blog it is definities not always about why I don't blog more often. This blog is most definitely not any kind of justification or rationalization. So there you go.

Blogging is HARD!

So yeah, it's been a month since my last post and I've realized--blogging is hard. Kudos to all you diligent blogging ladies out there. But, I'm a man and I can do this

So here's a list of completely random man tid-bits ranging from not-important to very important.

• Manmercials! If you haven't experienced these yet, you need to.
  
  
  
  




• Speaking of manly things--I found out today that I'm going to be father to a boy! Which means that my family tradition survives: my son will be the oldest son of the oldest son (me) of the oldest son (my dad) of the oldest son (Grandpa). Very very manly.




• Women + ice skates = great olympic event. Men + ice skates = um...yeah
  





• Blonde man joke (as told by a man): Three construction workers sitting high in a skyscraper eating lunch. First worker looks in lunchbox, says, "Man, burritos again. If I get burritos for lunch one more time, I'm gonna jump." Second guy, "Man, pasta again. If I get pasta one more time, I'm gonna jump." Third guy (the blonde), "Man, PB&J. If I get PB&J one more time, I'm gonna jump." Next day: First guy opens lunchbox, sees a burrito, and jumps to his death. Second guy opens lunchbox, sees pasta, jumps to his death. Third guy opens lunchbox, sees PB&J, jumps to his death. At the funeral: First guy's wife says, "If only I'd known he didn't like burritos, I'd have made something else" and walks away crying. Second guy's wife says, "If only I'd known he didn't like pasta, I'd have cooked something else" and walks away crying. Everyone looks at the Blonde guy's wife. She says, "Hey! Don't look at me, he packs his own lunch."

Soooo...there you go. Man--it's great to be one, even if we're bad skaters.

Guilt and inspiration...from a chick flick!

I believe this is one of those small moments that makes life taste like a fine Italian pasta with homemade Italian sauce and all those fancy Italian herbs instead of Kroger brand $.99 "Cheesy Noodles". Here I sit, watching "Julie & Julia" with my wife (her pick) and thinking about, of course, two things--fine food and blogging. And as I'm watching, I realize, "I haven't blogged this week yet." All forces combine and, viola! This week's post.

There are, certain small things in life that just seem to motivate me, such as a at-first-completely-uninteresting-sounding-with-below-average-previews-yet-increasingly-charming-movie. I find myself wanting to suddenly bone a duck and write a witty blog entry. Other motivations I'm gaining from giving in to my wife's Redbox wish include the desire to be more contageously optimistic and sprinkle random green things on my cooking creations (which include mostly ham, cheese, pickle, and onion sandwiches).

The one thing I don't need any movitvation to do is this: to cherish the sweet, funny, moments that are so small that they don't make books or magazines or even chick flicks with bad previews. The only spot in history these little life spices make is those moments where Krista and I laugh so hard we can't breathe. Well, I guess that's not true--the other place those moments end up is, of course, our blog.

I love my wife, her food, her blog, our moments, and yes, I even love that little silent face she gets when I want to watch some mindless, no-plot guy movie and she wants to watch and uplifting and touching "women's cinematic experience".

Ode to the Ttpktsdbndaiksamttdtmcotwat

There are, without excuse, some things that people just shouldn't do. Not wanting to sound critical, cynical, or any other negative c-word (though knowing that I run that risk), here is my ODE TO THE THINGS THAT PEOPLE KNOW THEY SHOULDN'T DO BUT NONETHELESS DO AND IT KINDA, SORTA ANNOYS ME THAT THEY DON'T TAKE MORE CONSIDERATION OF THE WORLD AROUND THEM.

Oh, man who drives so close to my bumper,
My white Chevy chariot already races 80 mph,
Yet in your haste, you drive but three inches from my muffler.
For miles you insist on this,
Until you find your opening,
Pull past me,
Speed up,
Pull back in front of me almost driving me off the road...
Then slow back down to 77 mph.
With tears in my eyes, I thank you for teaching me the errors of driving so slow.

Oh, lonely shopping cart,
I wish I could park in the spot that you occupy,
Alas! My soul cries out!
Some lost soul in an effort to save the precious 15 seconds it takes to put you away,
Has left you, like a kidney stone, blocking my safe park.
But wait!
Oh ho!
That, soul was not so lazy, careless, and inconsiderate as it seems--
They made sure they lifted your front two wheels into the planter to make sure you don't roll off.
Yes! Nice job Sir Cart-in-the-stall-leaver!

Oh, wonderfully talented cell-phone-talker/
make-up-putter-onner/
Big-Mac-eater/
Driver.
You prove your great worth to our people as you drive,
Taking up two and half lanes,
Driving in 3rd gear on the freeway,
Switching on your hazard lights to change lanes,
Then not changing lanes,
Then changing lanes,
All while so beautifully multitasking.
Lookest at thou go!
Ride! Ride on brave driver,
Creator of traffic jams and accidents in all their splendor and variety.

Oh thou line-pusher,
You stand so close to me in line,
I can hear your heart beating,
I can feel your breath on my neck,
Your nostrils on my earlobe.
You stand for the solid principle that we all know to be undeniably and invariably true:
The closer you stand to the front of the line,
And the more people you can push towards the front of the line,
The faster the line moves!
What a brave, courageous person to stand for such values.

Oh cell phone, Oh cell phone,
Thou art my greatest love.
I see how thy subjects cherish their moments with thee...
When they're with that friend they haven't seen for 8 years,
Sitting at the table,
Both of them,
Texting their brother-in-laws about the next day's weather.
Oh how thou hast lifted and enlightened our communication and language.
Gone are the days where ugly and long "phone calls" were needed,
Or even e-mails, with their fully spelled out words,
Or even face-to-face visits.
All gone,
Replaced by thy wonderful new syntax and clever emoticons.
O cell, tis so gr8 to b w/ u my Earlimi (Sorry, I mean, Darling).

So there you have it, somewhere between Shel Silverstein and Maury Povich.

The Man Blog

"Welcome to Blogger, may I take your order?"

"Yes, I'd like to make one man-blog, please."

"I'm sorry sir, could you repeat that? A man-blog?"

"Yes, a man-blog. You know, like a woman blog, but minus all the links to thousands of blogger-friends from high school and the pictures of little son Karssin's (I love people who find interesting ways to spell average names) first trip to the toilet and the frilly backgrounds with patters that look like a grandma-couch and colors that no one even knew were colors until women came along... You know, one of those blogs."

"So you want a blog with little or no pictures, no connection to other people or friends, and a basic boring background?"

"Yeah, that sounds about right."

"I'm sorry sir, but I don't think blogging was meant for that sort of thing."

So here it is: no drumroll, no drama, just plain blogging. This is not in any way a protest of women's blogs or blogging in general. I've watched my wife blog for the past two years (sometimes early in the morning when I think she's going to the bathroom) and am grateful for the record she's kept of our life.

However, in our past few years of marriage, I've realized just how much of a role blogging plays in our social life. I've listened to conversations between women that often contain a phrases something like this: "...well, I read on her blog that..." or "...yeah, even though we've never talked about this or e-mailed or used any other form of communication, I already know everything that's happening in your life because I read it on your blog...". I've had women whom I've never before met tell me more about myself than even I know all because they read my wife's blog. I've even heard this out of more than one woman's mouth: "You know, I saw her in the store and went up to say hi, but then stopped because I realized, even though I know her birthdate, all her children's names, her past seven favorite colors, her clever remedie for removing scabs, and her bed-wetting experience that even her husband doesn't know (he doesn't read the blog)--I've never met her. So I walked away." Apparently, the best (and maybe only) way to stay up on current social events is to blog.

So I've decided to join the game. The problem is, as I've roamed the blogosphere (through my wife of course) I've noticed that most blogs seem to be done by women. This is probably rightly so. In my preliminary research for this blog, I researched other blogs with similar names to mine. Both manblog.blogspot and manblogger.blogspot have one single post to their titles and both are about 5 years old; themanblog.blogspot has links on the side to comedycentral, espn, and playboy and posts that look like they discuss little else outside of those topics. So I personally think that it's a good thing the woman controls the blogging instead of the man. But I thought I'd give it a whirl anyway.

So here we go. My resolution is to "blog" every week about...well, I haven't quite figured that out yet. We'll just see where it goes--though I do promise no periwinkle/mauve paisley backgrounds.