Marriage Advice

A while back Krista and I were asked what marriage advice we would give a couple just embarking and the Tunnel-o-love ride that is marriage. Having been married for years now (two and half so I can say "years") we both jumped at the opportunity. However, we couldn't' think of anything to say. So here, now, I give my marriage advice to no one in particular:

• Everything together--We decided, early on in our marriage, that would do everything together. I think the idea originated with me being paranoid about fighting for my wife's attention against all her adoring fans and friends. However, we took and it and ran. Everything that could be done together, we did together--shopping, running errands, exercising etc. Now, a few years later, it's become second nature to us. We never really think about splitting up and doing two tasks; we accomplish almost everything together. I think today's world emphasizes a "divide and conquer" mentality when it comes to marital "teamwork". While this surely works for many couples and can no doubt check off more of the to-do list items, for us doing everything has not only supplied two heads when making daily decisions but strengthened our friendship as well. Plus, every time I try and do the shopping alone I just pace the pasta aisle for 20 minutes trying to pick a noodle. It helps to have another decision maker.
• Play games--a skill we have in spades. We probably play, on average, at least a game or two a day. We usually go in spurts--this month it has been Guillotine (not as violent as it sounds), last month it was two person Nerts, and most recently it's been Rook. Take whatever hobby you like, but I would highly advise finding something that you're both interested in to do together. I'm sure there's a select few out there as obsessed with games as we are, but anything works. Granted Krista gets really sad and pouts on the couch when she loses and I can't be touched for about 15 minutes after I lose, but on the whole having something light and fun to do together really makes us happy.
• "Can we go on a walk...?"--Truthfully, I used to dread this phrase. For me, walking was something you did to get somewhere. It seemed pointless to walk only to end up where you began. But we've had some of our best conversations (baby name ideas, where to buy a house, planning for the future, hypothetical "what-would-you-do-if-you-were-President" questions that Krista hates) all while strolling around in expensive jogging shoes. It's peaceful; it's healthy; it's relaxing; it's just plain good.
• "Chapter 1..."--While we were dating we went to the grocery store one night, saw the last Harry Potter book, bought it, and stayed up until 3:00 in the morning consecutive nights reading it together (now that's what I call courtship). Since then we've read tens of books together. We survived the Twilight series (Krista's idea), thoroughly enjoyed the Ender's Game series (my idea) and listened to some of the great (To Kill A Mockingbird) and some of the dud (Horse Whisperer) audio books. Most recently I've been reading to Krista and the baby when she's making dinner, driving, walking, or just sitting. It gives us great things to talk about and just one more thing to do together.
• "Can we get it?"--Go on a shopping spree every once in a while. This will be mostly wife driven of course, but it's still lots of fun. Our first shopping trip as a married couple was right after our wedding when we cashed in all our returns and gift cards at Target and ended up with two shopping carts and $500 worth of goods at checkout. Yesterday we bought a camcorder, Bernina (sewing machine), movies, Wal-Mart stuff, a mirror, fabric, a golf net, and Wendy's. Now, PLEASE make sure that this money is saved and budgeted properly, not for your own good but for mine! I'm sure I'll write about this later, but one of my biggest pet peeves is how loose people are with money. Not to elevate us on any kind of pedestal, but we didn't make these trips just on a whim but because we've been saving up for a long time to get some of these things (okay, we weren't saving up for Wendy's). But once you've got the money saved, spend some quality time spending it.

Okay, I talk too much so I'll be done. But there you go--marriage advice from a 2 1/2 year vet.